Wednesday, February 8, 2012

1975

The way I feel now reminds me of how I felt before Randall. Incomplete. I was searching for something, someone.I felt so alone even when I was with friends or family. I always knew Randall had my best interests at heart, that he would protect me from all harm. Now my closest friend is Jesus. I am trying to let my kids lead their own lives but right now I need all 3 of them so desperately.
  I graduated from an allwhite high school, 35 students in my graduating class of 1974. For some reason, I decided to go to Marshall University. Culture Shock, oh yes. Growing up, our family had one tv with rabbit ears and one station. So I was unprepared for the freedom, alcohol, pot, language, the casual sex. I did not fit in but I tried. I went to keg parties, bathtub parties--- with a tub full of purple Jesus=-grain alcohol and grape juice, steer and beer night at a restaurant where you could get all the beer you could drink and all the steak you could eat for 5 dollars or something. I remember throwing up from the 8th floor  window with my feet not even touching the floor. How easily I could have fell to my death. My grades were good but I did not go back to school. My aunt Larita got me a really good job at BARH and I was soon a ward clerk. Then I decided to share that little trailer with some girlfriends. I spent all my money on clothes-- elephant leg jeans, hippy smocks, makeup, mo and of course running around and lived on nasty cheap food like boil in bag turkey strips. Sometimes we spread peanut butter on canned biscuits and baked those. Things were ok. I had not yet met the man I wanted to marry. I was old fashioned. I was saving myself for marriage. I was romantic. I was called the professional virgin, cherry, virgin mary, sister charity and so on but I knew sex was worth waiting for. I was not particularly religious during this phase of my life. I was always spiritual, prayed and tried to be good but I could not party and go to church. I know my parents worried about me and I am sorry for that.  New Year 1976 Joyce Thomasson and I threw a party and no one showed up not even our room mates. Then about 1230 these drunk guys stopped by cause they had heard we were having a wild party. I remember them  chasing us all over the trailer. We were jumping from the table to the couch to the kitchen counter trying to get away from them. We locked ourselves in the bedroom and they finally left. Crazy Days. Yes, I was looking for love in all the wrong places. It was fun running around with a gang of good looking girls. We would hear a song we liked on the radio and would jump out and start dancing. We felt safe around everyone, We seldom paid for anything. One girl was sort of fat and dumpy looking, older than most of us. But every weekend,  she had a date with a beautiful good looking guy. Sometimes 2 of them would pick her up. Later we found out, all the guys were gay, She was gay and they were devil worshipers. She showed me some of her witch stuff. It was scary. She talked all the time about this club they went to and did poppers but I never knew what she was talking about.



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